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Would you go on a date with someone you met through a cybersex chat room? High Joy melds a dating database, a proprietary chat client and teledildonics to form what the founders call "the complete High Joy experience." It launched a few weeks ago, and because its offices are in Southern California, I was able to stop by for a demo. Lynn Borne, the director of marketing, asked me to hold the Doc Johnson i Vibe Rabbit while he walked me through the chat client and the online control panel for the toy.

Amir Vatan, the CEO, retreated to his office so he could be on the other end of my virgin High Joy chat.

And, of course, you can invite someone to control your vibrator while you control theirs."Everyone has some concept of what virtual sex means," Lynn says. The ability to relinquish control of my vibrator to someone else over the internet appeals to me. It's a way to nurture intimacy when you're apart, especially for military couples or those who travel often.

For the monogamous, High Joy offers a "one-on-one" membership that lets you sign on to chat privately with each other and control each other's toys, without access to the community rooms and profiles.

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Many companies now monitor employees' online activities, and repeated visits to sexually oriented sites have cost people their jobs. Schneider, who has written extensively on sexual addiction, responds that the damage to a cybersex addict's life and family can be as devastating as that caused by compulsive gambling or addiction to alcohol or drugs."This is a hidden public health hazard exploding, in part, because very few are recognizing it as such or taking it seriously," Dr. As a result, the diagnosis of cybersex addiction is often missed, Dr. Especially vulnerable to becoming hooked on Internet sex, he wrote, are "those users whose sexuality may have been suppressed and limited all their lives [who] suddenly find an infinite supply of sexual opportunities" on the Internet. Dana Putnam, a psychologist in San Luis Obispo, Calif., said other factors that could increase a person's vulnerability to cybersex compulsion were depression and other forms of emotional distress, relationship problems and a failure to get one's sexual needs met. Schneider among 94 family members affected by cybersex addiction revealed that the problem could arise even among those in loving marriages with ample sexual opportunities."Sex on the Net is just so seductive and it's so easy to stumble upon it," she said.Women, who tend to pursue relationships, are inclined to visit sexually oriented chat rooms rather than the pornographic Web sites that men prefer, Dr. As women become increasingly hooked on online sex, they are more likely to progress to off-line meetings, which can prove dangerous.Children, too, often become victimized by cybersex addiction in a parent. Schneider noted, children can stumble upon the pornographic material left on or near the computer or walk in on a parent masturbating at the computer.

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