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The relationships that survive (healthily) are ones where the two people have slowed down but are in essence still the same two people that met and there isn’t a dramatic shift in character and integrity.

Being confident in yourself is also about believing that there isn’t a fire – you can take enough time to get to know each other without rushing to get your pants down and make big declarations. People who tend to fast-forward can go through their cycle in a few hours (ever met an intense person online who sent you several emails, pestered you and then disappeared?

It’s crucial to remember that dating is a discovery period.

Dating is a fact finding period where you should be discovering ‘facts’ that let you work out whether you can proceed, or whether you should be cautious, and/or abort the mission.

If you love and trust blindly and get sucked into being moved along at high speed, you will be blind in the relationship when you actually have a responsibility to yourself to have your eyes open. Slowing down and actually getting to know each other at a healthier pace creates a connection.

If these people are still around in a year or two and your high intensity dalliance yields into something more steady, then good for you.

However, the problem with people who fast-forward is that they can’t cope with steadiness.




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The signs weren't obvious, especially to a 14 year-old, but it began with him telling me he didn't like the shirts I wore, or that my skirt was too short; at the time, it was easy to mistake jealousy and control for adoration.


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And if you think older folks don’t need to continue to date and be in relationships, seniors are having lots of sex already.