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So the first critical step is the opening line MUST be in Dutch. (It’s bloody important to have a good opening line in Dutch).As difficult as it is to impress the Dutch, they have such low expectations of expats when it comes to the Dutch language, that even if they respond in English, they can’t but help be impressed when confronted with an expat attempting to speak Dutch. Wauw, je lijkt echt een beetje op Lucy Liu/Beyoncé/Scarlett Johansson/Jessica Alba (let op: match het uiterlijk van het meisje met de celeb!Je gaat niet tegen een blonde deerne zeggen dat ze op Beyoncé lijkt).So to translate the opening line above, the point here gentlemen is to lie.One of my goals is to teach my ever growing expat flock about life in the Netherlands.I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, if you’re going to stay in the Netherlands for longer than a year or two, it’s essential to learn Dutch.A basic grasp of the language will certainly lead to you grasping with the Dutch lion or antelope of your choice.With that in mind, I think it’s only fair that I provide some advice on how to flirt with the Dutch.

What it really means: That wasn’t even a little bit funny and this is about to get borderline awkward. Nothing gets genuine laughter like acknowledging an awkward situation. What it really means: She’s British and is not actually sending you a kiss (or a hug, or whichever the “x” is). If you don’t love her, this may be time to reevaluate the situation.

Lie like a politician or an investment banker justifying their bonus.

So the woman of your loins, sorry dreams, looks nothing like Scarlett Johansson, so what?

You’ll then have to repeat the sentence several times, they’ll then say “ohhhhh Ik ben een eikel, ja dat klopt”.

So with this in mind, be creative and say whatever you like in Dutch as your opening line the first time, then when they inevitably ask you to repeat what you just said, you can change it. Jij en je vriendin doen me denken aan iets dat ik op TV zag.




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