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I met him at a New York City gay club (he had made the trek from Long Island), and I'm embarrassed to say that we sort of hit it off.On the first of a few dates, I asked him where he worked—and whether people there knew he was gay.With a commitment to connecting black singles worldwide, we bring to you a safe and easy platform designed to help you meet your love match.Whether you’re looking for love locally or internationally, we are committed to helping you find the perfect match, no matter where in the world they may be.But it’s that very hesitancy, according to black gay academic Charles Stephens, that only makes racism worse.Charles, the founder of the Counter Narrative Project in Atlanta, proved to be the perfect person with whom to chat about race (and sex, and fetishes) — when he wasn’t turning the tables on me with uncomfortable questions of his own.In the San Francisco Bay Area, a 25-year-old "white boy on the down low" posted that he was looking to "chill with the same." (Interestingly, white guys also use the expression as an adjective—as in, "I have a down-low place" to hook up, or "I need Down-Low Head." By far the most common usage, though, is some variation of, "We need to keep this on the Down Low," meaning that if you happen to bump into your hookup around town, you won't bear hug him and shriek, "Bro, last night was awesome!") , told me he isn't surprised that white men are co-opting the expression. "It has always had an appeal because it refers less to sexuality than it does to masculinity.

I knew nothing of this until two months ago, when I met my first white guy who claimed to be "on the DL." He was 24, tall, masculine, attractive, and said "bro" a lot.While white guys want the perceived benefits of being on the Down Low (being seen as cool, tough, and masculine), they certainly don't want the unenviable choices facing many black men attracted to other men.For all their supposed freedom and masculine power and independence, black men on Down Low are stuck: "Come out" as anything other than heterosexual and suddenly they're a double minority, likely to be ostracized by their friends, family, and church.I wasn't sure I believed him, so a few days later I went searching on Craigslist, and, sure enough, I found dozens of ads from white men claiming to be on the Down Low.In Boston, where I live, I saw an ad for a 38-year-old "slightly stocky, hairy and kinky bi married white guy on the down low." In New York City, a 29-year-old Italian looking to "take care of a nice guy" who is "kool and looking for some fun" wrote that he needed someone discreet because he's on the Down Low.




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